Monday, April 30, 2018

April 2018 Birchbox Review


Birchbox is a subscription that sends 5 beauty, hair care or skincare items, usually mid-range to high end) to your doorstop. I imagine Birchbox works best for ma mature audience or somebody who doesn't mind small samples. Today’s post is a race against the clock. I was trying to finish April recaps before April ended but I got caught up a bit and now I’m trying to outwit a sleeping newborn with jaundice. Christ, it’s only been 2 years. How did I already forget how tedious this stage is? April/May reviews may be slower than I anticipated (even with the time off of work) because I’ve learned these past 4 days that I’m shite at juggling kids (with one second birthday and a legitimate birth day) and personal grooming free time and that at this stage in life, managing to wash my ass three days in a row is one hell of an accomplishment. It gets done, just far less efficiently than I would hope. Sticking with the theme of “my life is a dumpster fire” Birchbox seemed to be aware that I would need all the help I could get in April. This month’s box included:

 





Derma E Hydrating Night Cream was very hydrating. Too hydrating. A little bit of this cream goes a very long way so the sample I received is pretty massive considering how little is consumed per use. I felt like I had to wipe off a little bit of the excess but once I woke up the next morning my face felt great, neither greasy nor dried out.


Schmidt’s Deodorant Stick has been making appearances in all kinds of subscription boxes this month. I was fortunate enough to receive a full sized product in my Birchbox while most other boxes have only been offering deluxe sized samples that I’ve seen. It applies easily and smoothly, and feels like traditional deodorant. The lavender and sage scent is staggering but hopefully it works as a mosquito repellent? The scent is strong enough that I feel uncomfortable wearing it around my newborn. I feel like my armpits smell like a faerie whore out in the garden trying to make a quick tablespoon of honey. I experienced some chafing but I cannot say if it is from this deodorant or another natural deodorant I’ve been trying. I plan on giving each of these a couple of weeks under different conditions and following up in a later post.



 

Lipstick Queen Lip Liner makes an amazing lip liner. I’ve heard of the brand for some time now but this is my first actually experience with any of their products and man, was it a good experience.  I received the shade Natural which comes off as a great shade that is a cross between brick red and my lips but better but without being too deep. I felt that this shade is very wearable under a few colors of lipsticks I already own or even alone. It had a very smooth, non-waxy formula and really it’s the first subscription box lip liner I’ve loved.


I was most excited for the Coola setting spray but man, was my excitement misplaced. I already had some hope for this product because by all means it had to be better than being attacked with setting spray via water gun, right? Somewhat. The spray nozzle worked much better in this product but oh my god actually applying it was miserable. It reeked of alcohol and burned my nose and eyes. If anybody ever wanted to develop napalm into a beauty product they should consider partnering with Coola. Aside from the TSA friendly mustard gas in a blue bottle, I did like that the bottle gave a very fine mist, the formula itself was lightweight, and I felt like I was wearing nothing throughout the day. In the past I’ve used the greasy feeling and texture as an excuse to not wear sun screen (dumb, yeah, I know) but with setting sprays becoming more varied and available by the day I realize I have no excuse to skip the facial SPF.
 

The Ouai Volume Spray was a little disappointing. I could not really find a way to use it. The directions indicate that it’s for use with a blow dryer for nice volume in blowouts but that sounds like a horrible idea with a 3 year old as the test subject. Fortunately she has very fine hair so I thought I could work it into her hair after using Garnier Fructis Sleek and Shine and the Ouai Leave-In Conditioner. That just dovetailed into a sticky mess with a cave baby running through the house dissatisfied with her hair.

 April’s Birchbox was a very strong one. I got a setting spray that isn’t a bitch and a half to apply and work with, I got a mostly useless hair product but at least I got the opportunity to try a texturizing spray on #1. Hopefully one day I will receive one that does not require heat to see a full effect. I got a new lip liner in an amazing color, some much needed deodorant and a night cream that hopefully will help me minimize the effects of my many sleepless nights to come. Well curated, Birchbox. Understated essentials should have been the theme of this box, a collection of items to make me look vaguely human when I escape the cub cave.
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