January Target Beauty Box Review

I ended up spending $10 and grabbing January's Target Beauty Box about two weeks ago (currently discounted at $7) and I'm finally getting around to hitting all of the products inside. First off: this thing is loaded and heavy as shit. It didn't waste my time trying to be cute, which I appreciated. The only effort it put into aesthetics was blue tissue paper, which may have allowed for it to be pretty loaded with products-no money wasted on bullshit and very effectively trying to serve as a billboard for products that are housed in store. Very quick and to the pointless, if you will.

I didn't lie, pretty basic, non?

January Birchbox First Impressions

I'm trying this new thing where I do things in the month that they're due. I've gone 32 years without doing this once. Ever. Fortunately, Birchbox samples are so tiny that they're pretty easy to blast through and I don't have to worry about getting too thorough of a feel for them because they're gone before I can ever really get to that point, where I'm still working on a lip balm I got from a subscription box back in August. And just in case that was a strong enough selling point (it wasn't, it really wasn't) here's a referral link to get you started.

Birchbox x Self January 2017

December Birchbox First Impressions

Elephant in the room: this post is pretty late. My box came in on December 31st, so technically still December, right?

So right off the rip, Birchbox samples are WAY smaller than Ipsy. That and I keep getting haircare products, which wouldn't be terrible if I actually had hair. More importantly, if I had overly processed, chemically treated, or non-natural hair that requires specific products and laughs in the face of things such as dry shampoos.

I'm also sitting here trying to learn how to live with not having posted volumes and weights, causing me to do actual work finding comparable sizes online to give an estimate of a price point.

Enough of the whining. Hey! I got my first Birchbox, guys!

December Ipsy First Impressions

Another month, another "meh" bag. I think I've fallen into a rut of having a subscription for far too long. Bright side, I just got a year's subscription for Birchbox as well so there will be something new to complain about! I no longer know what I would get excited about, product wise. Just discovering new brands at this point, but I have so many duplicates that it feels like a waste when I don't get to something I love a bit less. That and I can't justify giving things away once I've tried them and I feel obligated to try everything at least once. I sound extremely entitled and critical though so let's tuck it in and be objective about this. Scroll down for some incredibly shitty photos due to a combination of not knowing how to utilize technology, inability to operate a phone camera, zero sunlight for days now and poor apartment lighting. 

 

And a closeup of the bag

Angry muppet!

U by Kotex free sample haul (still available online)

Note: U by Kotex will be providing free samples until December 31st.

This post has been a long time coming so of coursw I'm like 2 months late. I received free samples in the mail from U by Kotex a few weeks ago and it was pretty nice. The goal of their new campaign called The Period Project is to try to find ways to help women enjoy their periods more. Let's be honest, every month I just want to curl up on the couch and die because I just feel smelly, filthy, uncomfortable and like everybody knows what I'm going through. Like a dog in heat or a biblical menstruating women. I'm not justifying the separate tent, I'm just saying... I might understand. At least my own self exile. And that's the problem they're trying to fix, the shaming of women and shaming we feel for our natural existence (yes, I'm part of the problem here). What's even better than a morale boost? The samples require no subscriptions or memberships or anything, just a quick survey and choose your samples.  They do follow up afterwards to make sure you got your samples and to get some feedback (less than 5 minutes via online survey) to determine if your opinion of the brand has changed at all and I must say, whomever is behind their marketing is a genius. It certainly endeared me to their brand. I'll be honest, since their re-branding some years ago I thought the U by Kotex brand was a subset geared towards teens and tweens (I now some brands have been providing tween sizing of feminine products which let's be honest, I shot out two kids so that shit just won't fly around here) and as a result I'd been avoiding the brand more recently. Welp, I am one to admit when I've been wrong, even when it physically hurts to do so. I was wrong.

Samples that were offered in each pack varied from tampons to pads, heavy to light flow etc, and each pack, though it leans more towards one particular need, is varied enough that one can get a decent enough feel of a range of products. I opted for pads because, as annoying and overtly THERE as they may be, I just feel more secure with them. That and I may or may have gone to Costco recently and have enough tampons to last the second coming of Zombie Jesus.

The packaging was cuter than I ever expected and too large to fit in my apartment mailbox. Items were clearly labeled for ease of identification (aside from the obvious panty liners) and there are three extra items that could be included in the packaging depending on your survey answers. You could receive recipe cards, affirmation cards, or adult coloring cards. Recipe cards include recipes for "Dark and Spicy Hot Chocolate," "Bees Knees Grilled Cheese," "Popcorn Four Ways" and "Crispy Ice Cream Sammies." Somehow I was able to get two boxes, one with the adult coloring cards and one with affirmation cards. Unfortunately, my eldest manhandled the card that said "Tell me I'm pretty while I feel all my feelings" and I don't know how to take/crop pictures so you're left to deal with this visual shit.  Sorry, guys. Of the three box extras, I would say the coloring cards would be most desirable. For me, at least. The affirmation cards were really cute though and I'm just too lazy to clean up whatever kitchen mess is left behind from having a Bloat Day, if you will. Each box comes with a card (buried under a mound of pads and pantyliners in the first image) detailing the contents and two $1 coupons.

The first box came with:

• 1-U by Kotex CleanWear Pad Heavy Flow
• 1-U by Kotex Security Pad Long with Wings
• 1-U by Kotex AllNighter Overnight Pad with Wings
• 1-U by Kotex Security Ultra Thin Overnight Pad with Wings
• 2-U by Kotex Barely There Liners

The second box came with:

• 1-U by Kotex CleanWear Pad Regular
• 1-U by Kotex Security Pad Regular
• 1-U by Kotex AllNighter Overnight Pad with Wings
• 1-U by Kotex Security Ultra Thin Overnight Pad with Wings
• 2-U by Kotex Barely There Liners

Shitty organization and coloring cards

Shitty cropping with affirmation cards

So I guess the gist of this post is go out and get one. Great marketing, they achieved what they wanted and I think I like the brand considerably more now. At least I don't feel like a high schooler whenever I touch their packaging. Maybe a 6th year college senior, just over the joy of binge drinking but not sure how to get out of the habit, needing to grow up but not quite sure how, pondering post college life while drinking baileys in coffee on a late Friday morning after class. I... may have just had a flashback of my college career... I almost regret not opting for a version with tampons, just for the sake of reviews, but for reasons listed above, "meh."

September/October Subscription Product Reviews

It's too late for preamble. Here are some analyses:

September Haul
 

September Ipsy bag

ToGoSpa Undereye Collagen Gel Masks in Green Tea Eyes-I think I like them. Mild tingle, cool texture but without that cooling minty feeling if you hand sensitive skin. I would typically pass on a product like this but it saved my life when I was sick two months ago, if you'll excuse the hyperbole. I had a massive head cold and a pretty hefty headache, all while I was roasting to death from a combination of fever, chills and summertime Chicago humidity so these things were great for cooling my head. They tend to slide though so I find they work best when I'm lying down. I'm half tempted to buy theses and just leave them in the medicine cabinet but I wouldn't have the will power to save them exclusively for that use. They were absolutely useless for reducing redness and bags and dark circles under eyes but then, I never believed this company's claims because, you know, science. 

Glow For A Cause Body Butter in Inspire-I know I said this wasn't my favorite scent because it smells very perfumes and very adult but this stuff is going quickly. I suppose fruit smells are "cheap" smelling but I'll admit I have absolutely zero class and I prefer those to this highly perfumery (with a hint of citrus crispness). 

Update: it's gone. One of the fastest I've blasted through a sample. Blame the cold. It's so expensive though and no better or worse than any hydrating cream or body butter. 

Eyeko Eye Do Liquid Eyeliner-I love how incredibly black this is, but it doesn't glide on as easily as others and it creates a thick line, but I have small, hooded eyes (I think?) and my line goes on a little too thick for my taste. I fail at liquid eyeliners and the learning curve is steep with this one. I must note however that even though this eyeliner brags of being smear proof and waterproof, it is absolutely neither of these two things. A slight rub of my eyes after it dries or a warm day and my eyes have slid straight to my chin. That much said, I still love how black it is. I just wish I did not have the hand dexterity of a two year old with advances Parkinson's. Part of the problem is that it's felt tip and therefore not overly flexible. It's too expensive for me to repurchase for face scribbles and will be designated as a backup at this point. Judge's score: 6.2 out of 10. The dive started out great with the color but somehow resulted in a belly flop, open mouthed with execution. 

Onomie Powerful Priming Serum-I enjoyed the hell out of this serum. It's slightly (ever so slightly) radiant with micro shimmer and very hydrating. It's miles ahead of Too Faced's Hangover primer. I've used it as a serium, which by the way absolutely works, but looking at the cost per unit, I preferred using this as a primer. Even though this performed better as a serum than a primer, I learned that I cannot hold a grudge against all lotion primers. I would never drop $50 for a bottle though, tyvm. 

 Too Faced Lip Injection Extreme-this product grew on me. It did have a mild plumping effect but it does one hell of a job irritating my lips to get to that point. I also find that for maximum effect this needs to be worn alone, and that won't fly going into the winter months. I like it, but I don't think I dislike my natural lips enough (they are pretty full to begin with) to buy this in the future. That and especially with the upcoming months, protective lip balms will interfere with this gloss's efficacy. 

October Haul
 

October Ipsy bag

Trust Fund Beauty Gimme Good Face primer-the makeup gods have heard my prayers. It's a silicone based primer that my face so needs. I love how filling this is. And it came at the perfect time since I finally ran out of my Elf primer which was embarrassingly old. I have to repurchase the Elf primer for two reasons: 1) to see if they've ever updated it the formula and 2) because the Trust Fund Beauty primer is available for pre-order on the company website at $25 for 10mL and there's probably a pretty long waitlist. Incidentally, that's how large my sample was.

Lottie London Perfectly Precise brush-I'm loving this cute little guy. It's smaller than anything I've used in the past so it's crazy precise. That and it's just so damned cute and soft. Bunnies should be made of this brush's fibers. 

October eyeliner-I should shake Kat von D's hand for this one. The brush is not a felt tip but rather "325 bristles in [a] super tight point" and oh my Jesus, is this thing flexible and crazy easy to handle. It is a complete 180 from the Eyeko liner I struggle to use. I could probably still apply eyeliner properly after 5 cups of coffee spiced with more coffee. The only complaint I have is that it isn't the blackest black that I've seen. The product says it is waterproof though and it does resist water well enough. I would buy the shit out of this. 9 out of 10. Points lost for being glossy and not the blackest black, but I would love to try other things in her line.

Pūr~Lisse Daily Lip Nourisher-I can't say no to a lip balm. This lip balm is very hydrating and what I would look for- it isn't sticky or waxy feeling, tastes a little sweet and I love the applicator. I cannot tell you what it smells like but it has a very nice, almost fruity scent.

Cosmoholic Liquid Lipstick in Mysterious Mocha-I'm still enjoying this guy. It's more of a taupe/mauve shade on me than brown) and shiny a f. It is pretty sticky sp I've been patting translucent powder on top to get a matte look. It also solves my problem of never being able to find nude lip colors for my skin tone.

Please excuse the shit/repeat pictures. It's all i have to work with right now.

November Ipsy First Impressions

Not only am I exceedingly overdue for this post, but I only have one shitty photo of my own because a combination of holidays and traveling, life and work have teamed together to kick my ass. I have a couple of equally uninformative posts in the queue also, so let’s jump into this so I can procrastinate on something else. If stock photos and shitty swatches are your thing, feel free to use my my referral code.